Wednesday, September 23, 2009

EPILOGUE

Don’t, she said. Her mother really likes you. You belong with her. And she took my hand and put it into hers. I swear, I can see that hurt flash for a moment across her face. But then she composed herself. That lovely smile that I never learn to appreciate spread across her face. The same smile that will be haunting me in my dreams. Erica took my hand in her tight grips and she release her hand. Good day, Jake. I hope you are well. And that hurt flash again across her face, before she turned around and walks away.

I feel like half of me went away with her. Erica took my face in her palm and try to get my attention. But all I can think is that how I would like to have her warm lithe body in my arms rather than Erica’s. when I look down at Erica smiling at me, I could feel anger boiling inside me. Idiot! I heard myself screaming in side my head. That’s the only woman that you should have defend. Not Erica!

No Erica, I cant do this. I sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. This is a mistake, and I take full responsibility of it. I shouldn’t have tried to reconcile our relationship. It felt stupid, aint it? pretending everything’s alright when I don’t even have a clue to what I want with you. No. you are not my dream. Erica gasped at me. But, Honey…why are you doing this to me? You cant be serious. I gave my whole life.

That’s the thing, Erica. You are giving it to the wrong person.

But, Jake..i’m pretty sure you are the one I wanna spend my life with.

I’m not sure I can say the same bout you.

Oh. She sighed. This is all about her, right? That little tramp. She fumed.

But that little tramp is whom that tried her best so we can get back together! I fumed back to her

In that case, why don’t you just forget about her and try to make her happy by granting her wish? Erica countered back sarcastically. But then she softened. Jake, I do love you. We can make this happen. Come, I’ll show you how.

In that moment, I really wish it was her that is holding me in her arms. The satin smooth feels on my skin and the smell of rose milk. But I pushed Erica’s hands away. I’m disgusted with myself. I often gave in to my animalistic need and surrender myself between Erica’s leg. Little joy that I can get anywhere; only that Erica does it best.

I gather up my things and said my goodbye to Erica. This has got to end. I pushed my way out of her apartment’s lobby and found myself standing by the roadside on a wintry day. I put on my coat and find myself walking down the street.

Jake?

I look up and saw her coming towards me. She was fumbling around in her purse looking for her keys.

I sat on the sofa, staring straight to the kitchen. She’s making a pot of hot coffee. The dress she puts on showed off a lot more legs than I can remember. Glancing up from her stirring, she blushed when she realized that I have been looking up and down her legs like it has got to be the next best thing in life god has send to me.

Here you go. She handed me a mug of steaming hot coffee. Sorry I like it black. She grinned sheepishly.

It’s okay. I like it whatever way you like it.

What brings you here?

Erica.

Trouble in paradise? She arched an eyebrow.

No. we broke up.

Oh. She said, staring inside the mug. What happened?

Nothing happened. Just..

I put the mug down and took her hand in mine. I couldn’t live with Erica. i took her in my arms, and scoops her up.

Jake…she stuttered.

Shh…listen, I said. You are my life. I have been living in hell for the past few months. 5 months to be exact.

But, Jake..she..-

I silenced her with one kiss and she to get her rhythm back.

The satin smooth feels on my struggled skin makes me wants to have more of her. She moans when I kiss her sensitive neck spot and knotted her hands in my hair when I ran a finger across her back.

Jake, this is not funny.

I don’t find it funny too.

You know that technically I can always be your rebound gal?

No. it doesn’t work that way.

It does the last time I checked.

Last time. Not now. Can we just finish what we have already started?

Funny. Your ass. She said haughtily.

It works all the time.

It might be on Erica. not me.

I bit her bottom lip. You just have to put your trust in me then.

She stare dumbfounded at me. Cute, don’t ever try that on me again.

She gets up and sauntered back into her room. I can imagine her pulling off her work clothes one by one. She must be naked right now because she close the door behind her and I can catch a glimpse of her pulling those black skirt down south.

I’m not suggesting anything, but you need to get out of my house.

I nodded my head. After all, we have all the time in the world to get to know each other again.

Thursday, July 30, 2009






yesterday we celebrate his birthday. happy? as usual. glad? cant really say so. but he end up kneeling on his knee (that goddamn knee) and apologized for what he has done. i mean, i shud b glad huh? but i cant really feel anything. but anyway, whatever it is then.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

THE HAIRCUT THAT REPRESENTS IT ALL

this is the shortest version, and it's the latest!
this is the a lil bit shorter version..

you guys decide it. in the last 8 months, i cut my hair three times. the longest version..
it represents what all women has agreed on=chopping d hair means that we r cutting all the excess emotional baggage from our life
isnt that true? i mean..it is with me

Monday, July 27, 2009

when life were so simple back then, i wish i had stop in my tracks and savor the moment. when it hit me in the face that simpleness might never want to be my guest again, it hurts so much that all of us wonder why we never stop short and thank god for all that we have. we always wish we are something greater, bigger, and bolder.

AND THOSE UP THERE WAS WHEN I AM 18 AND HAVE THE WORLD ON MY FEET

oh cibai..hari yg sgt bahagia? bahagia la sgt..what kind of confession is that?
i mean, oh well..if im really last resort for u, pe hal kau nk confess in front of so many people man? bangang. hati panas betul. de bf pun sama bebal mcm jamban. jamban elok sket dri kau agaknye.
anyway, i mean what d fuck u did that on d first move, while did u date me? huh? asshole. pg mmpus la sama ex kau, old fling, ex classmate n etc2....anyway, i'll be such freakin happy at curve, im goin to get over this heartbreak fast!. look at those guys there, they were so damn happy to have me back.
heh..this will be my happiest day on earth, STARTING this week. no, make it this MO..

Saturday, July 4, 2009

im losing my mind, so do you losing me as well

as i liehere on my bed, one thing come down on me
he's losing me as well as my affection and love.
he didnt even care if i need that extra ttention he shudgive
all he's thinking is that, i'm going to be okay
oh, well..as i said. i'm always okay. now i'm okay on my own
and you are not included in this "my own life"
i'm sorry, dude. it feels heavy inside
but i aint goin to say anything
if it mean to be, it will. if it's not, who am i to complain?
i'm not one with the power to say stop
and i certainly doesnt hv it in me to say that i can change yourfeelings towards her, the ex.
and i wont even try
for what? to add moresalt onto this wound?
i hv been wounded more than once, and i'm determined, u are not going to hurt me again
that's for sure. so for now, goodbye heartache.
goodbye you. see ya when my wall ofdefense thickened up around me.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

guess what?

dont bother bout me no more, lol
he is so fucking happy with that low life bitch
and im happy with my new guy
why d heck u wanted to mess that relationship
in d first plce if u really fuckin loves me?
now u wanna beg for forgiveness?
hell yeah..c'mon
give me tht puppy look doesnt mean i'll be
sorry for leaving ya
n u are happy sharing her bed, y bother if i share my new bf's bed?
tell u what?
he;s far more better than u
he's more considerate than u
he doesnt play it by rules, not that i care
he satisfied me more than u
he doesnt looks like a stuck up self absorbed bastard like u
he knows which is my pleasure point
and most importantly...HE DOESNT DO IT JUST FOR HIMSELF
heh! tell u wat? go lick ur sorry ass urself, dude
go figure y i am so fuckin ridiculous now
i dont care
revenge is always sweet huh?
now u wonder y i;d never dress up as a hottie besides u?
because u r one insecure guy
u cant stand it if i has always been better than u
now that my new guy doesnt mind, i could dress up like me
he likes to parade me around and thinks that my past is nothing
but just a silly mistake
he proposed to me that day, and he's well off to support me
i wonder if u r reading this?
hurm..i wonder dude..

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

the hellwith my practical!

heh..another 5months togo..
another 5months in hell..tht's really crap
how to stand this?
urgh,,,
not even him can force me to go to that shit hole
heh..eh,people ydont ugofuck yourself?
dont bother bout me lol!

the hellwith my practical!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

i just had to find a way to vent out my frustration
i guess this is going to be my first ever journal that he wouldnt even know
i dont care
y do guys act like stuck up bitches when we already have so many of them (female species, i mean) in this world?
for god sake. n for every good girl sake in this world, stop being one, jackass
he's never there to tell d truth
he's always gone when other girls ask for help (to them)
and im stuck here, mouth hanging open wondering y d hell i didnt send him with a one way ticket to siberia and a good kick on the ass?!
y? y d fucking y?!
i didnt mean to be rude or mean, but at least, y did all this low life has a control over him and not me?
i'm smart, beautiful, going to be a pharmacist (a v respectable job) and he's flirting around with this good for nothing gals behind my back?
another Jude Law's case or wat fellas?
somebody, u better hit me back with a solution
this is turning into revenge n sweet talking
i vowed to never let anyone come close to my territory
and for this guy, (he knows who he is with all this low life gals ) i just hope you will nver regret anything
after all, i had him, n you didnt
hah!